Old Habits Die Hard

Friday, June 20th, 2008 by Alyice

I can’t believe it’s already time for another Friday Weigh-In. Where does the time go? This past week I’ve been giving lots of thought to how I got to where I am today. Not my business, not my weight, but this constant feeling of overload.

I went back through my journals—I’ve been keeping one on and off since 2004 but not steadily until 2006—and what I discovered is that my burntout or feelings of overload began back in January of 2006! Seriously, where does the time go?!

On that day, I recognized the need to slow down. And for awhile, I did. In fact, I have several entries designated to the idea of slowing down, to the idea of not being Super Woman. One entry, in fact, reads:

I, Alyice Edrich, humbly acknowledge that I cannot do it all. I am not Wonder Woman. I am not Super Mom. And I am not the only one who can scrub the pots ‘n pans, wash the laundry, take the kids to and from school, make the meals, or do any of the menial, yet necessary every day tasks…and for now on, my family will—probably reluctantly—share the workload during the week and not just on “Spring Clean” Saturdays. And I will learn to indulge in the beauty of having some free time and learn to not take life so seriously!

The good news is that while reluctant, I have gotten more help around the house from both my kids and my husband. The bad news is that I began to fill that time up with other stuff and didn’t always use that free time for what it was meant to be used for: me time, slowing down time, resting time, enjoying life more time.

The more I skimmed the pages of my journals the more I realized that I liked the idea of slowing down more than I actually liked doing it. Taking time for me—just me—whether it was visiting with a friend, crafting for the pure fun of it, or doing absolutely nothing at all seemed mind-boggling. I just didn’t know how to do it without feeling guilty. The more I tried to relax, the harder it was.

At one point I even told my husband, “Honey, this taking it easy and resting stuff is boring.” To which he replied, “Get a hobby.”

You know what I replied back to him? I said, “There is only so much cleaning I can do.” Yes, I said that. I still can’t believe it myself but I did. In my defense, however, it used to relax me. I mean really relax me. Leave me feeling serene and peaceful, that kind of relaxation.

He giggled and said, “You think cleaning is a hobby? Boy are you in trouble!”

That’s when I took up crocheting and got back into scrapbooking. There was only one problem. Instead of leisurely taking on these two hobbies, I, of course, worked on them like a mad scientist on the verge of a break-through. I was on a mission. Complete x amount in x days or die! Eventually, I put them on the backburner because they simply weren’t relaxing.

But that wasn’t unusual for me. Everything in my life had to be multi-tasked: instant messenger a friend while I answered emails or perused the Internet, talk to a friend on the phone while I cleaned the house or worked on the yard, watch a video for review while I worked on another project at my computer, craft with a specific person or event in mind, watch television as a way to make myself rest but not without reading a book, organizing a file, or cooking a meal.

On good days, I got it. I knew how to slow down and appreciate the world around me. I seemed to understand the need to live in the present.

On bad days, I lost it. I pushed and pushed until there wasn’t anything left to push. And the more I tried to slow down, the guiltier I felt because not enough was getting done in a single day. For me, it wasn’t about how long something took and taking that into account when I planned my days, it was about how many tasks I could complete within x number of hours. And it had nothing to do with my husband’s expectations of me or what I could accomplish. This was all on me.

No wonder I showed signs of mental and physical fatigued so far back! No wonder I ended up with Bell’s Palsy last December and still suffer from lingering effects. No wonder my cholesterol levels are through the roof. Yes, diet and inactivity aren’t the only reasons why cholesterol soars.

But you want to know the real clincher? Just when I began to get a handle on slowing down, I got right back up and began pushing myself again. In fact, one journal entry has me saying to myself, “It sure does feel good to be back to my ‘always on the go’ self! But I’ve learned something pretty valuable along the way….’all work and no play’ does more than just make ‘Jack a dull boy’. It can seriously compromise your health and relationships.”

Well, it might have felt good. But as they say, “all good things must come to an end.” That ‘always on the go’ mentality is like a bomb waiting to go off. It can be very destructive.

It’s not enough to prioritize one’s life so that there is time for play with friends and family and time for work. We must also have down time and down time isn’t about forcing yourself to do nothing; it’s about finding something you enjoy doing so much that time escapes you. It’s about making yourself a priority without guilt or shame. And that’s what I’m working on right now.

If you, like me, have been feeling like the Energizer Bunny…”just going and going and going,” I’d like to invite you to join me in slowing down and learning to live in the present moment. Take a step back from your life to re-evaluate things. Don’t wait until you’re in the doctor’s office on the verge of a mental breakdown or physical illness. And keep me posted will you? Not only could I use the support, I’d love to learn from you, too.

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Success Is…

Thursday, June 19th, 2008 by Alyice

“Success is making a difference in the lives of others.
Happiness is watching them grow because of it.
Today, make the choice to MAKE A DIFFERENCE.”
Anonymous

What a profound statement! What a wonderful reminder to keep our eyes on the true prize!

While success can mean many different things to many different people, I think we can all agree that true sucess isn’t about material wealth or status. Success is how we live our lives and how we impact and influence the lives around us. It is about building strong relationships, helping others in times of need, and remaining true to ourselves.

Let each one of us embrace today, for we know not what tomorrow may bring.

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Live Love Laugh

Thursday, June 19th, 2008 by Alyice

This canvas was designed for my brother-in-law who just so happens to love fishing and the great outdoors. I really love the canvas itself, and the saying…Live, Love, Laugh is one of my favorite. It’s a reminder to me to appreciate life more and I’m hoping it will be a reminder to him that though we are miles apart, we love him and wish him well in his life.

I’m not really pleased with the way image of his mom sits out like a sore thumb. I originally had intentions of applying beeswax to that triangular area. It would have blended everything quite nicely and given it the look and feel I was going for, but just as the melting pot and beeswax arrived, the online mixed media group I belong to sent out a huge caveat. While the beeswax adheres rather nicely at first, it soon begins to flake off and leaves quite a mess.

Well, there’s no way I was going to send a faulty canvas to the west coast so I opted to forego the beeswax and consider another alternative. There was only one problem: the transportation of the canvas was leaving in only three days! (Leave it to my father-in-law to get impatient and plan his trip earlier!) Since I didn’t have enough time to do anything else, I coated the entire canvas with several coats of semi-gloss varnish.

Word on the street is that he liked it very much. “WHEW!”

Posted in Wednesday Art | 2 Comments »