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Thanks For Having My Back

Monday, December 21st, 2009 by Alyice

There are a lot of things about growing up in the projects I do not miss—but then there are some things that I do miss, like the fact that I had so many people watching my back. One of those people was Miss Benita.

Benita was five years older than me, quiet, yet very outgoing. There was no reason for her to take me under her wings, no logical reason for her to hang out with me, but she did. We’d known each other since I arrived in the projects, but it wasn’t until she became my sitter that we grew close.

She was the best sitter we had back then as she truly looked out for us. She didn’t host parties the minute my mom left the house, she didn’t make us sit in a dark room the entire time my mom was gone, she didn’t try to defile us, and she was safe and fun and a joy to be around. But sadly, her reign as sitter didn’t last long for one day my mom arrived home early to find us jumping on the couch bed, laughing, and having fun. That simply was not to be tolerated as we had a 7 o’clock bedtime and how dare she enjoy her job!

After that, Benita would stop by to request permission to take me with her to visit a friend, or watch her play softball, or to just hang out at her house. One thing she was great at was making me feel safe and wanted—even when a few of her friends made it very clear that they didn’t like the idea of her spending so much time with me. (In fact, one day when I needed to get out of the house, I stopped by Benita’s and knocked on the door to be greeted by one of her friends—a friend who had made it clear on several occasions that she did not like me. She told me that Benita didn’t want to see me anymore then slammed the door in my face.)

One thing Benita liked to do with me was bake. We’d make lots of brownies, so many brownies that eventually we grew tired of eating them. But we never grew tired of baking them. So she came up with a solution to pack the brownies in a basket, tie a rope to the basket, and lower them from the balcony down to the kids below. We’d make them, they’d eat them. It was a win, win situation.

Then one year, when I was thirteen, I decided to have a birthday party and invite all my classmates. Sadly, nobody showed up. I was devastated. I knew I was shy and quiet, but I really thought my classmates liked me and couldn’t understand why they wouldn’t come to my party. A few hours later, Benita arrived at my party to see how things were going. When she found out nobody showed up, she was just as heartbroken as I was. She told me to get dressed up and to wear something really nice, because she was taking me out to dinner. And thus began our annual birthday dinner to Sizzler’s.

Then, when 9th grade prom arrived and nobody asked me to go, she insisted that I take her boyfriend as my date. Talk about trust! Of course, I didn’t take her boyfriend, but it said a lot about her character (and quite possibly mine). Instead, we made an agreement, I would go to the prom stag, and do my best to socialize; then after the prom, she and her boyfriend would pick me up in style, and we’d hang out the rest of the night.

After 9th grade, neither one of us lived in the projects anymore. We didn’t spend quite as much time together, but we managed to stay in touch. One thing we loved to do was call each other up on the phone and watch movies together. Sometimes there’d be long pauses where neither of us would say a word, then you’d hear one of us say, “Can you believe…” or “Oh no watch out”. Personally, I think that was her way of checking up on me—but I didn’t care. It was nice to know that I wasn’t so easily forgotten once we didn’t live next to each other.

During my high school years, we weren’t as close. By then she’d had two children and was living “the adult” life but she always found time each month to hang out or talk on the phone. And I got to do a lot of babysitting—which I absolutely loved!

Then one day, after graduation, I told her I was interested in joining the police academy. She didn’t tell me that I was crazy because I was too timid and shy. She didn’t tell me that it was insanely dangerous and I probably wouldn’t like all the violence that comes along with the job, either. No, she supported me.

She’d get up every morning, at the crack of dawn, to train with me! Which was a good thing because I have never been a morning person and without her commitment, I probably would’ve went right back to bed. Instead, she had me pick her up so we could then drive to the high school and run both the track and the bleachers. Once we got out on that field, the crabbiness lifted and we both found that morning routine to be challenging and fun. (Unfortunately, the riots scared me right out of the police academy. I passed the mental tests and the panel interview but never went to the physical.)

Fast forward a few years, to the day I met my husband. Benita, knowing nothing about this guy, insisted on chaperoning our first date. If he passed, we could date. If he didn’t pass, we’d have to talk. Without saying a word, he knew that she was the key to winning my heart and so on our first date, he catered to her. Needless to say, he passed.

Though we still stay in touch, our relationship has drifted apart over the years. It’s hard, we’ve found, to maintain a close relationship with someone when you live hundreds of miles apart. And yet, there are days when I miss knowing that she had my back, when I miss feeling so loved by someone that she would make personal sacrifices just for me, when I miss going shopping with her, or watching a movie via the telephone, or chatting over a cup of hot tea with cream and sugar.

And for these reasons, and so many more, I must say thank you, Miss Benita, for making me a part of your life—and your family. I would not change one moment of the times we shared together.

Give thanks…

Posted in It's Gratitude, Dude! | 7 Comments »

Thanks For The Xmas Gift

Thursday, December 10th, 2009 by Alyice

As I was checking email this morning, I heard a faint ring of the doorbell. “Who’d show up at this hour?” I thought. Immediately I dismissed the doorbell, but there it was again. In the near five years that we’ve lived here, nobody has ever come to our home this early, except one person. I should have guessed it was our landlord.

And he came with such a treat! Ground beef, a lovely Christmas card, and our rent check, uncashed!

He and his wife live on a farm—a money producing farm. The home we live in is his childhood home—which was passed down to him when his parents died. We rarely speak with him and his wife, but on the rare occasion that we do, they are always well-mannered, kind, and loving. I have to say that they are probably the nicest people, aside from the Bos family (our next door neighbors who moved away at the beginning of the year), that we have met since moving to South Dakota nearly five years ago.

Since I’ve already blogged about them here I won’t bore you with the details again. Suffice it to say, renting this place, is one of the reasons we aren’t ready to pack up and move to Sioux Falls anytime soon—even if making friends in the area is difficult and damn near impossible.

Give thanks…

P.S.

In case you’re wondering, the card came with a beautiful family photo and reads:

What can I give Him, Poor as I am?
If I were a shepherd, I would bring a lamb.
If I were a Wise Man, I would do my part – -
Yet, what can I give him,
Give my heart.
– Christina Rosetti

Posted in It's Gratitude, Dude! | 1 Comment »

Thanks For The Gratitude Posts

Wednesday, November 25th, 2009 by Alyice

As I take the time to look back over the past year, to see what I am truly thankful for, I realize that I am most thankful for my gratitude posts. They cause me to stop concentrating on the negatives life throws my way—like the car literally breaking down for the 20th time or the effect the down economy has had on our family—and start concentrating on the positives.

Gratitude posts give me time to pause the vicious circle of life long enough to really experience life—to see the good that often gets overlooked, to marvel at how something so tiny and insignificant can bring pure joy, to truly use all five senses, to reflect upon what was and have the foresight to learn from it, to be receptive and open and willing…to truly experience life.

Gratitude posts cause me to seek out the good in my own life; to stop the “woe is me” pity party, the “comparison cycle”, the “self-imposed put downs” and to start appreciating what is.

Gratitude posts provide validation for my life, reminding me that I matter, that I am just as important as others, and that even though there are dreams left unfulfilled, I have a rather good life.

Gratitude posts remind me that I have a choice in this life. No matter what life throws my way, no matter how burnt out I get or how difficult the times are, I have a choice: to be happy or to be sad, to be grateful or to be bitter, to be present in the moment or to watch my life pass by.

My gratitude posts are far more powerful than I ever imagined they would be. For once I got into the habit of writing a weekly post, I discovered that I no longer needed to write a weekly post because I was writing them in my head on a near daily basis—and in that moment my life felt more alive, more wonderful, more important.

And in the end, I hope that by sharing these posts with you, that you, too, will find them uplifting, motivating, and encouraging. And that they’ll be the catalyst for beginning a gratitude journal of your own.

Give thanks…

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I'm a mixed media artist and freelance writer. Need web content? Want to commission or license art? Let's Talk.

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