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Thanks For The Job

Monday, March 9th, 2009 by Alyice

When my husband’s hours got cut to part-time back in January and his health insurance was changed to an $8,000 family deductible, I was devastated. My husband, however, was grateful he still had a job in an economy where jobs are scarce. Personally, I couldn’t see being grateful to a company who laid off employees and cut back hours only to turn around and hire a president and a few other upper management positions. It was like a slap in the face. It was as if the owner had laid off x number of people and cut benefits in order to pay for the new salaries. Shortly thereafter, the existing employees were asked to complete twice as much work in half the time.

I wanted my husband to look for a new job because quite frankly, in the workforce he can command double the hourly rate that I can command. Yet, my husband was determined to stick it out. He liked his job, he had respect for the owner and wanted to believe that the decisions made were for the betterment of the company as a whole, and he liked and got along well with his co-workers. On top of that, he was (is) good at his job.

Fast forward a few months.

My magazine/publishing business has nearly plummeted thanks to the economy and I’m struggling to get my art business off ground floor. If it weren’t for my freelance writing business, I’d be beside myself with worry. Add to that, the fact that in our area alone, several companies have folded leaving hundreds—if not thousands—of employees without work. Nearly half the businesses here are cutting back on hours or laying off employees. We have a ratio of 700 applicants to 1 single job. Many applicants are asking for both part-time and full-time work and are willing to work 2 and 3 part-time jobs just to make ends meet.

Needless to say, I am now grateful that my husband has his job—despite the poor health insurance and the fewer hours. And I am grateful that he had the foresight to appreciate what he had (has) when I couldn’t; especially since a good attitude on the job is vital in this economy!

In an economy filled with uncertainty and loss, it’s easy to get caught up in the negatives, to get caught up in the worrying, to stress about the future, and to feel angry about losing everything you’ve worked so hard for. Believe me, I know. I’ve been there, I’ve done that. And I’m here to tell you that a negative, “woe is me” attitude does not help the situation—in fact, it makes matters worse.

I’m ashamed to admit it but I’ve had to work really hard to keep a “stiff upper lip” and hold my head up high during these troubling times. There have been days that it has taken every ounce of my being to look at my life and see something positive—to find peace in the storm.

I am sure that my seasonal depression has contributed to this, but still…I’m used to everything working itself out as long as I, or my husband, work hard and put our faith in the right place. Unfortunately, in times like these, hard work and faith isn’t always enough—some things are simply beyond our control.

So today, I’m working really hard at not letting the circumstances of our economy drown me in a sea of despair. I am choosing to see the possibilities—no matter how small or distant they may appear. And I am choosing to be happy at all costs. Won’t you join me?

Give thanks…

Posted in It's Gratitude, Dude! | 2 Comments »

Thanks For Being True

Monday, February 16th, 2009 by Alyice

I had a wonderful, supportive, and bread-winning husband. I had gorgeous, healthy children. I was blessed with the opportunity to work in the church nursery and childcare system so other moms could attend Bible study and “me time” functions. I had plenty of time to clean house to my liking, cook homemade meals, work in my ever-growing garden, and play with my children. All-in-all I had the dream life I had always wanted.

Then a tragedy happened in our family and a part of me died along with that event. To fill that void, I began a writing business. Writing had always been therapeutic for me and being able to expand on that writing ability was a fantastic release.

Growing up, I had always wanted to be a mother first, and a business woman second. If I had to choose between the two, I chose “mother” every time. So it’s no surprise that prior to this tragedy (and even after), I started and ran several home businesses—from direct sales to a licensed, in-home daycare to virtual assistance to mobile notary to mystery shopping—always giving them up when they began to “take over” my life as mother or I found myself ready for a new challenge.

But with my writing business, it was different. The more successful it became, the more I hungered for more success and the more it took time away from my family, the guiltier I felt. The difference was that this time, my husband no longer had that bread winning job—having given it up so that he could spend more time with the family and less time at work. And my children were now school-aged and no longer needed me quite as much. And the money, well, it was needed.

The void my writing had once filled began to be filled with something else—bitterness and resentment. I know a lot of people would call me crazy for “hating success” but that’s exactly what happened. And it happened because I allowed “other people’s perceptions” to rule over my own happiness, my own contentment, my own dreams and desires.

I was no longer content with making “just enough” money, or helping everyday moms find supplemental income so they, too, could stay home with their kids and still feel good about contributing to the household budget or keeping one foot in the workforce.

All of a sudden I wanted to be the “good business woman” who continued to strive for success: for greater numbers in readership, for more income, for more prestige. And I began hanging out with success gurus and their protégés. All who kept saying the same thing, “You’re afraid of success.” And I bought into that.

For awhile I had that steady growth in numbers, in income streams, in revenue. And I knew that if I put myself out there more, I could have their ideas of success. The problem was that I felt very conflicted, confused, and even guilt-ridden. And when those feelings became too much, I’d begin to resent my business and work very unproductively—causing my business to suffer.

Occasionally, I’d talk it over with my husband, hoping to find solace and answers but he’d simply listen then say, “Do what is best for you”.

The problem is that I no longer knew what was best for me. As the kids grew older, they needed me less and less and the isolation that often accompanies running a home-based business grew more and more. And that void, well, it just continued to grow. Filling it with “work related stuff” seemed like a logical answer so I kept moving forward but that internal conflict was playing havoc on every part of my being and it seemed like nobody understood my struggles.

So many women would’ve given anything to reach a certain income level in their businesses and to keep it at that level, steadily, month after month and year after year. And to do it from home would have been icing on the cake. And here I was whining about the current success I had reached and not wanting to grow bigger and better—of longing to cut back, to go back to simpler days, and not wanting to look like a fake or a failure for doing so.

Then one day I got Bell’s Palsy and I realized that I had to start doing what was right for me, not what was right for a growing and maturing business and not what looked good in the eyes of others. It took nearly a year to get to the point that I could actually admit to myself that I was not a failure for wanting a certain lifestyle and for being okay with making a living that was “just enough”.

It took nearly a year to undue the brainwashing that told me success only came in the form of monetary compensation, numbers, status, and prestige. It took nearly a year to remind myself that I wasn’t, nor would I ever be, a fake simply because I chose a different path. It took nearly a year to admit that I knew how to make a business successful and how to grow it beyond what it was, but that it wasn’t my dream to do so, it was someone else’s dream.

Then, as I began to accept the fact that life is all about choices and the choices we make affect our attitudes and our attitudes affect how we ultimately feel about life itself, I realized that I would never truly be happy owning a big conglomerate or having to deal with all the responsibilities and pressures that follow. But I would enjoy licensing my work to those conglomerates, working outside the home on a part-time basis as a social stimulation, and continuing to build a business that gave me a creative outlet—without having it take over my life.

And that’s when I discovered them…the many women who’ve taken the plunge to slow down their businesses so that they, too, could enjoy life more. The women who’ve decided that it was truly okay to “be less than what society tells us to be” because society’s idea of “less” is actually our idea of “more”.

More time for loved ones and less time running amuck, more time to laugh and less time to stress, more time to play and less time trying to keep up with the Jones’, more time to talk and less time to put off, more time to feel good about ourselves and less time comparing, and more time to experience the simple pleasures of life without always feeling burdened by so many responsibilities.

It’s so hard, in today’s society, to be real with people. It’s so hard to be our true selves when we always feel like we have to “put on a show” or “be on our best behavior” or “appear to be more successful than we really are”. And it’s so hard to be true to ourselves when we’ve reached a certain level of success only to discover that it’s not all it’s cracked up to be or that new dreams and desires have surfaced and caused us to change course or that we simply don’t want to do that anymore but fear letting others down.

So to all the women I’ve met over the course of the last year—via blog posts, via books, via articles, via social networking sites, via email conversations, via in-person contact—who weren’t afraid to stand up for what they believed in and found true happiness and contentment in their personal lives and their business lives, I salute you, I applaud you, and I thank you!

Give thanks…

P.S.

I’d like to leave you with a scripture that really brings this all home:

I have learned to be content in whatever circumstances I am in…I have learned the secret of being filled and going hungry, both of having abundance and suffering need. I can do all things through Him who strengthens me.”
–Paul, Philippians 4:11-13

Posted in It's Gratitude, Dude! | 10 Comments »

Thanks For Unexpected Visits

Monday, February 9th, 2009 by Alyice

On Saturday evening, around 9 p.m., I received a call from one of my closest friend’s—now adult—son. I still cannot believe we’re old enough to have “adult” sons! Honestly, it’s not normal for him to call me. I usually talk to him when he’s visiting his mom and we happen to be on the phone or when I visit his mom. And on occasions, he’s tagged along for a visit down here.

So my first reaction was, “I hope my friend is okay!” My second reaction was, “Maybe he’s calling about a surprise for his mom’s up-and-coming wedding.” And my final reaction was more of hopeful wishing, “Maybe they’re on their way into town and are going to surprise me.” Of course, I calmed myself down enough to answer the phone coherently and intelligently.

He said, “Alyice, do you know who this is?”
I replied, “Of course, it’s D.M.”
He said, “Okay, just checking. Will you be up later tonight?”
I said, “Yes, until around 11 p.m.”
He said, “Well, can you stay up until around 1 a.m. I wanted to surprise you but it’s getting late and I want to make sure I don’t freak you out. I’m returning home from a visit with my uncle and thought I could stay with you for a day or so.”

Talk about unexpected surprises and wishful thinking coming true. Could he stay? Of course he could stay! I was ecstatic.

I had spent the entire day feeling really bummed out—missing friends and family who now all reside in different states. I quickly jumped up, brushed my hair, and cleaned the house. Then I woke up my husband—who had just fallen asleep, having gotten up at three in the morning for work—and said, “Guess who is coming to town? You’ve got to get up.”

His reply, “Wake me when he gets here.”

Then I told the kids. My son’s reply, “Guess I better take a shower. However, my room is off limits. I am not cleaning it this late at night.”

When D.M. got here, I was so excited to see him that I hugged him tightly. When we lived in Wisconsin, his family and mine were pretty close—like family. And I’ve often told them how much I miss them and all the things we used to do together—family barbecues, rides on bike trails, board game nights, movie nights, and hanging out at the local lake. It’s probably one of my biggest regrets in life—moving away from them and that area. But when your husband needs a job and moving is the only option, you do what you’ve got to do.

We stayed up until four in the morning, talking and watching videos—as he tried to unwind from a twelve hour drive. The next day, my husband and I made a huge breakfast, then we left him to hang out with my son while we ran a “can’t wait errand”. When we returned, my husband and I made a feast of a dinner while the kids played Wii. Then we sat down together and played a board game while we caught up with life.

This morning, he returned home. I’ll miss him. But with an open-invitation to visit again, I know he’ll be back.

I know that there are some people in life who cannot handle unexpected visitors. They like their lives neat and orderly. They need plenty of time to prepare for visitors—to change schedules, to clean house, to make room. I also know people who cannot handle others staying in their homes and request all visitors to stay in a nearby hotel/motel. I, on the other hand, cherish the idea of hosting infrequent visitors. I like to play hostess—as long as it’s not on a daily basis.

I got my hospitality from my mom. She was always good at being a proper hostess. Anyone was invited in her home—any time, day or night. She thrived on people stopping by on their way through town. She’d roll out the sleeping bags and make up the sofa sleeper. The next morning, there was always a big breakfast waiting to welcome the guests into a new day. Then she’d hang out—chatting about life and catching up. As for the rest of the meals, there were three choices: eating out, fending for yourself, or helping in the kitchen. I definitely miss that about her—she passed away two years ago—but am so honored to have the privilege of carrying on a tradition that she was very proud of.

Give thanks…

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I'm a mixed media artist and freelance writer. Need web content? Want to commission or license art? Let's Talk.

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