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Thanks For Believing In Yourself

Tuesday, July 27th, 2010 by Alyice

The other day my daughter and I were talking about careers, what she wanted to be when she grew up, and who she was right now.

She says, “I am a writer, but I am not sure what I want to make as my career.”

I giggle and say, “So you’re a writer, huh?”

She replies, “Yes! I write stories. Good ones.”

You’ve got to love that self-confidence!

“Yes, yes you do,” I say.

And it’s true. She is an amazing storyteller. She spends a good one to three hours a day writing her stories—now if she would just gain the patience to write more than the climatic points. (And she does this despite her problems with reading and spelling.)

Me, I am a paid freelance writer. I have been writing, on and off, for ten years. And I still don’t have the confidence she portrays at such a young age.

It’s strange how a child’s upbringing can play a huge part in their identities and how they see themselves.

My husband and I have worked hard to provide a nurturing environment for our kids—an environment that is vastly different from our own childhoods.

There have been times when we’ve wondered if we did too much for our kids, and felt bad for not being able to give them all the things we dreamed of giving them.

There have been times when we’ve worried about being too soft, and wondered if “putting the fear of God” in them wouldn’t be a better way of raising them.

There have been times when we thought that our rules were too lax in some areas and too strict in others.

There have been times when we feared that we were too open and honest with them, and that perhaps we should’ve sheltered them from certain things more.

But in the end, how we raised them, and how we treated them, all came down to wanting them to know that they aren’t just loved because they have our blood, but that they are loved for the individuals that they are.

It’s now been 19 1/2 years since we gave birth to our first child and if there is anything we have taken away from those years, it’s this: When you love a child enough to discipline that child fairly and still be able to show a softer side of yourself, you raise an individual that isn’t afraid to take risks, an individual that believes in himself, an individual that is willing to work hard, and an individual that follows your rules, not out of fear, but out of respect.

Whether my daughter will become a paid freelance writer, a novelist, or just a hobby writer is totally up to her. The key here is that she already calls herself a writer; that she has the self-confidence to believe in herself enough to follow her heart’s desire at this very moment in her life. And that she likes herself enough to not worry about what anyone else thinks of her, her talents, or her dreams.

Right now, right this moment, she defines herself as a writer. Not a student, not a sophomore, not a child, not a sister—but a writer.

It is my hope, no our hope, that she will always have the confidence and belief in herself to follow her heart’s desire. That she will always know that anything she dreams of becoming is possible as long as she has the faith, the will, and the determination to make it happen.

So if there is anything I am grateful for right now, at this moment, it’s knowing that despite our flaws and failed good intentions, my husband and I were still able to give our children what matters most—security, love, and the nurturing necessary to help them become confident in who they are as individuals.

Give thanks…

Posted in It's Gratitude, Dude! | Comments Off

I Am A Sensitive

Monday, July 26th, 2010 by Alyice

I am what you would call a “sensitive”. No, not the kind who can tell the future or past events based upon feelings, surroundings, or the universe. I am simply a gal who feels things more deeply than the average person.

Sometimes it’s a blessing. Other times it’s a curse.

There are days when I feel completely overwhelmed by life—and there’s no apparent reason for it. There are times when the empathy I feel for others is so strong that I bud in where I don’t belong. And there are days that I lose myself in trying to fulfill the needs and desires of others.

What others take for granted, I can sometimes obsess over.

If you tell me that I am not good enough, I don’t just take it as “your” opinion and move on with my life—even if I disagree with you or have total confidence in my own abilities or talent. Instead of simply moving on, as would any other “normal” human being, I try to figure out why you feel I am not good enough and then I obsess over trying to win your approval; to become “good enough”.

And if you treat me poorly, and upon reflection I know it was unwarranted, completely over-the-top behavior for the circumstance, very selfish on your part, or simply not my fault, I will still look at myself as the source of the problem. And should I see my fault in the situation, I will obsess over trying to “fix” things; trying to make it “right”.

On top of all that, I am easily hurt by other people’s unkind remarks or their need to exclude me from certain events or their lives in general.

I cannot watch violent movies or movies filled with a lot of negative energy because they’ll upset me for days. I cannot watch or read the news because I’ll never let my kids out of the house; especially not without an hour long lecture on safety.

I cannot live in chaos—whether it’s a messy house, a messy relationship, or a messy life. And I try to avoid conflict and confrontation like the plague, though I’ve grown to realize that sometimes you just need to confront an issue head on.

I do not do well in crowded situations and am easily disturbed by noise. In fact, certain noises or behaviors grate on my nerves so badly that I literally have to ask people to stop: stop the tapping, stop the smacking, stop the music, stop the…

I can’t stand when things are rushed or out of my control. And I don’t work well when I am constantly being scrutinized or put down. In fact, I thrive when the sandwich approach is used: compliment, gentle but honest negative with possible solutions, then compliment.

I can sometimes get irrational over the stupidest of things; especially when I’m feeling overloaded or stressed. And often find the need to take a break from the world just to recharge my batteries. (Sometimes it’s as simple as going into a dark, quite room. Other times it’s a leisurely stroll in the sun. And sometimes, it’s unplugging from the ‘net and all electronic devices.)

For the most part I am a quiet, reserved, introvert. But I can be loud and obnoxious when the occasion warrants.

On the plus side, being a sensitive has some great advantages.

My husband says that he loves my sensitive nature because it makes me a more caring, loving, conscientious, compassionate person who truly appreciates those around her and isn’t afraid to go out of her way to show it in both actions and words. (And because being sensitive makes life “interesting”.)

My bosses like my sensitive nature because it makes me a better worker; a more disciplined worker. Because I tend to care deeply about the perception of others, or what I think of myself, I tend to put “my all” into my work. It also means that I am very good at organization and problem solving. That, of course, means that as long as I am the right fit for your company, you’ll most likely be pleased with my work performance and my work ethics.

My friends like my sensitive nature because it causes me to be more aware of their presence in my life. They say it makes me more loyal, sentimental, thoughtful, and more willing to build and maintain close relationships where feelings and actions are mutually reciprocated.

My kids love my sensitive nature because, as my daughter says, “It makes me a better mom.”

In the end, befriending and working with a “sensitive”, such as myself, is no easy feat. I’ve often joked that I am difficult to be around, but the truth is that I am no more difficult to be around than the average person. It’s just that my quirks are a little different than a “normal” person’s quirks and so they take some getting used to.

But if you can hang in there, the rewards are SO WORTH IT!

I can be such a huge asset to your business (Shout out to Lisa, Megan, and Dan) and your personal life (Shout out to Nenane, Tina, and Candice).

And being a sensitive explains a lot about my need to constantly create the world around me.

Pearl S. Buck, the 1938 Nobel Prize winner, said it best when she said, “The truly creative mind in any field is no more than this: a human creature born abnormally, inhumanly sensitive”… with an “overpowering necessity to create…so that without the creating…of something of meaning, his very breath is cut off from him. He must create, must pour out creation. By some strange, unknown, inward urgency he is not really alive unless he is creating.”

Stay True To Yourself

Posted in Artist's Life | 2 Comments »

I Am A Mixed Media Artist

Sunday, July 25th, 2010 by Alyice

I’m a mixed media artist through and through.

For years I’ve tried to define my style of art and came up empty handed. For years I was afraid to share what I created with the world for fear of ridicule or harsh critiques. For years, I created my art and only shared it with close friends and family—people who’d appreciate my attempts at art, knowing that whatever I created came from the heart.

Then one day I was encouraged to share my art with the world, via my blog, and everything changed. It was like a whole new world opened up for me and a confidence I never knew I had began to emerge.

But I will let you in on a little secret.

There are still days when I feel very inadequate as an artist.

Sometimes I see the art of artists that I admire and I think, “I am still not good enough.” And so I will go into my art studio and attempt to create art like those artists.

But try as I might, I just can’t do it.

I can’t create clean, strong lines or art that requires symmetrical relationships. I can’t create art that requires me to control every aspect of the piece.

Though I am mesmerized by the work of artists who can and even imagine such pieces gracing the walls and shelves of my own home, trying to create such art stifles me.

At first, I thought it was strange that such art could be so calming to gaze upon yet create such inner chaos when trying to create it myself.

But I’ve recently realized that creating such art puts me in a box I don’t want to be in. It reminds me of a time when I felt smothered, suppressed, and suffocated—when I felt extremely inadequate as a human being. And as a result, creating such art creates inner turmoil.

So I choose to create art that requires no rules, no regulations, no boundaries, no need to be perfect—that is free thinking and defined, not structured. I choose to create art that allows the playful side of me to emerge and as a result, I find peace and a sense of calm I never knew as a child.

An added bonus is that with each piece I “successfully” create, I take one step closer to becoming an “accomplished” artist.

Keep Creating

Posted in Artist's Life | 1 Comment »

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AlyiceEdrich.com
I'm a freelance writer, mixed media artist, SMVA, and the owner of The Dabbling Mum.

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