Alyice on February 26th, 2010

Thanks For The Phone Calls

It’s been awhile since I posted a gratitude post. It’s not that I haven’t had anything to be grateful for, it’s just that winter has a way of bringing me down and it takes so much energy just to get through the days. Who knew S.A.D. was so real?!

Awhile back, I read about a couple of homebased businesswomen who felt so isolated in their worlds, that they found themselves far less productive than they could be. They missed chatting by the water cooler at work, they missed meeting up with co-workers at lunch to shoot the breeze, and they missed those dreaded business meetings—you know the kind…brainstorming new ideas, talking about what worked and what didn’t, and of course, planning for the next quarter.

Realizing that they needed stimulation that didn’t come from internet chat rooms, emails, and text messages, they set out to find someone local to hang out with. Unfortunately, they hit a roadblock.

Sure there were Toastmasters meetings once a week, women’s bible study groups every Tuesday, book clubs every Friday night, and even a local chamber of commerce meeting, but what they were looking for didn’t seem to exist. They longed for a deeper bond with an individual person who would allow them to be real and not have to put on a show of success, or be careful of what came out of their mouths, and they wanted the ability to balance talking shop and talking about home life.

Then one day, while chatting with each other, they realized that though they were miles away, they could still have that bond with each other—via the telephone. Sure, it wouldn’t be the same as when they lived next to each other and could meet up in person. But they realized that the distance between them didn’t have to be an end all to what was once a great, working relationship.

And so, they began weekly chats with each other on the phone, and those chats grew into daily chats. Soon, they realized that a time limit was needed on their chats, or they’d waste their entire days dreaming and concocting plans, and lifting each other up and get absolutely nothing done. That’s when they came up with the 30 minute rule.

Every day one would call the other, and they’d start their days with a 30 minute chat about whatever came to mind. When the timer went off, they’d finish their sentences, then say good-bye. Even if they wanted to chat longer, even if they still felt they had so much more to say, they’d hang up and save the rest of the chat for “tomorrow”. Slowly but surely, they felt less isolated, and their days became more productive—all because of a simple phone call.

The other day, as I was chatting with my friend, Tina, I realized that we were experiencing the same problems as these two women, and so I suggested that we give their idea a try.

Tina and I have known each other for nearly ten years. Ironically, we met in a women’s freelance writing group online. Then when I was ready to move out of state, she suggested we pack our bags and move out by her. Something about that decision just seemed right and so my family and I moved to Wisconsin where my husband returned to college full-time.

During our stay in Wisconsin, Tina and I weathered a bad marriage, the death of a family member, the ups and downs of running a homebased business, seasonal depression, the dreaded teenage years, and the awkwardness of learning to deal with someone who was just as “controlling” and “moody” and “stubborn” and “creative” and “caring” as the other.

Over the next three years, we learned, not always tactfully, when it was important to push the other person to move past her comfort zone, when it was necessary to “back off”, and how vitally important it was to have someone you could essentially go ballistic on and still know that the friendship would survive.

When it came time to move out of Wisconsin so that my husband could obtain work, I chose to leave while Tina was on a road trip with her husband—simply because leaving that friendship behind was probably one of the hardest decisions I’ve ever had to make in my life. And I knew I couldn’t do it if she were around.

We promised each other that we’d meet up every six months, but the economy took a turn for the worse and every six months became every few years.

There have been times when I worried that our friendship was drifting apart—we talked less and less on the phone as the years passed, and I found out things months after they happened instead of within hours or days. But somehow, our friendship has managed to survive.

Which brings me back to those two inspirational businesswomen. They sounded so much like Tina and I—what we had and what we’re missing—that I shared their story with her.

It was then that I discovered an ugly truth. Tina loved and missed our conversations, but because they lasted so long they took huge chunks out of her day, making her less productive. And so she’d put off chatting, until it was “convenient”—and we all know that there never really is a “convenient” time for the pleasures of life when so many deadlines are looming over our heads and we feel pulled in far too many directions.

So I suggested that we give this 30 minute phone call idea a try.

Sure, it’s not the same as meeting up for a cup of java at the local café, and it’s not the same as taking turns treating each other to lunch once a week, and it’s definitely not the same as dragging the other one out of the house kicking and screaming for a few hours of outdoor photo shoots, or bicycling along a rugged path, or taking a winter walk at the local indoor arena.

But it sure as hell had to be better than feeling so isolated and alone during the day.

To both our surprise, it worked! It actually made us more productive throughout the day—and in some small way, made us feel accountable to each other. It didn’t matter if we were only able to check off one thing on our “to do” list; if we accomplished just one thing and were in a more positive frame of mind doing it, then the phone call was worth it.

There’s just something about hearing the voice of another person in the morning, being able to just blow off steam or bounce off ideas or talk about absolutely nothing in particular and know that someone actually cares enough to listen, cares enough to make the time, that makes the day feel so much better.

So if you’re a work-at-home parent, and you’ve found your energy levels dwindling—and that once a week meeting outside the home isn’t enough, or those client visits aren’t the right kind of stimulation, then maybe it’s time for you, too—to find a phone call buddy.

Give thanks…

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Comments (2)

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Tina L. Scott says:
Hey, what a fantastic post! Made me laugh and remember some fun times.

And I’m loving our weekday morning chats with a cup of coffee. That 30 minutes is just the perfect thing to keep us both stimulated AND productive!

I also LOVE that photo you took of me that you have up there! It’s such a cool shot. And usually I hate myself in pictures.

But I still DO miss trips to the coffee shop and being able to go out for lunch with you–on the cheap–like we used to do with our coupons and stuff. LOL

I’m really glad we’ve found something that works for us even if we are living several states away!

Tina
Posted at 11:36 pm February 26th, 2010
Alyice says:
So glad it brought back the good memories. And I agree, it’s about time we found a system that keeps us connected.
Posted at 5:34 am February 27th, 2010

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I'm a freelance writer, mixed media artist, SMVA, and the owner of The Dabbling Mum.

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