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Thanks For Having My Back

Monday, December 21st, 2009 by Alyice

There are a lot of things about growing up in the projects I do not miss—but then there are some things that I do miss, like the fact that I had so many people watching my back. One of those people was Miss Benita.

Benita was five years older than me, quiet, yet very outgoing. There was no reason for her to take me under her wings, no logical reason for her to hang out with me, but she did. We’d known each other since I arrived in the projects, but it wasn’t until she became my sitter that we grew close.

She was the best sitter we had back then as she truly looked out for us. She didn’t host parties the minute my mom left the house, she didn’t make us sit in a dark room the entire time my mom was gone, she didn’t try to defile us, and she was safe and fun and a joy to be around. But sadly, her reign as sitter didn’t last long for one day my mom arrived home early to find us jumping on the couch bed, laughing, and having fun. That simply was not to be tolerated as we had a 7 o’clock bedtime and how dare she enjoy her job!

After that, Benita would stop by to request permission to take me with her to visit a friend, or watch her play softball, or to just hang out at her house. One thing she was great at was making me feel safe and wanted—even when a few of her friends made it very clear that they didn’t like the idea of her spending so much time with me. (In fact, one day when I needed to get out of the house, I stopped by Benita’s and knocked on the door to be greeted by one of her friends—a friend who had made it clear on several occasions that she did not like me. She told me that Benita didn’t want to see me anymore then slammed the door in my face.)

One thing Benita liked to do with me was bake. We’d make lots of brownies, so many brownies that eventually we grew tired of eating them. But we never grew tired of baking them. So she came up with a solution to pack the brownies in a basket, tie a rope to the basket, and lower them from the balcony down to the kids below. We’d make them, they’d eat them. It was a win, win situation.

Then one year, when I was thirteen, I decided to have a birthday party and invite all my classmates. Sadly, nobody showed up. I was devastated. I knew I was shy and quiet, but I really thought my classmates liked me and couldn’t understand why they wouldn’t come to my party. A few hours later, Benita arrived at my party to see how things were going. When she found out nobody showed up, she was just as heartbroken as I was. She told me to get dressed up and to wear something really nice, because she was taking me out to dinner. And thus began our annual birthday dinner to Sizzler’s.

Then, when 9th grade prom arrived and nobody asked me to go, she insisted that I take her boyfriend as my date. Talk about trust! Of course, I didn’t take her boyfriend, but it said a lot about her character (and quite possibly mine). Instead, we made an agreement, I would go to the prom stag, and do my best to socialize; then after the prom, she and her boyfriend would pick me up in style, and we’d hang out the rest of the night.

After 9th grade, neither one of us lived in the projects anymore. We didn’t spend quite as much time together, but we managed to stay in touch. One thing we loved to do was call each other up on the phone and watch movies together. Sometimes there’d be long pauses where neither of us would say a word, then you’d hear one of us say, “Can you believe…” or “Oh no watch out”. Personally, I think that was her way of checking up on me—but I didn’t care. It was nice to know that I wasn’t so easily forgotten once we didn’t live next to each other.

During my high school years, we weren’t as close. By then she’d had two children and was living “the adult” life but she always found time each month to hang out or talk on the phone. And I got to do a lot of babysitting—which I absolutely loved!

Then one day, after graduation, I told her I was interested in joining the police academy. She didn’t tell me that I was crazy because I was too timid and shy. She didn’t tell me that it was insanely dangerous and I probably wouldn’t like all the violence that comes along with the job, either. No, she supported me.

She’d get up every morning, at the crack of dawn, to train with me! Which was a good thing because I have never been a morning person and without her commitment, I probably would’ve went right back to bed. Instead, she had me pick her up so we could then drive to the high school and run both the track and the bleachers. Once we got out on that field, the crabbiness lifted and we both found that morning routine to be challenging and fun. (Unfortunately, the riots scared me right out of the police academy. I passed the mental tests and the panel interview but never went to the physical.)

Fast forward a few years, to the day I met my husband. Benita, knowing nothing about this guy, insisted on chaperoning our first date. If he passed, we could date. If he didn’t pass, we’d have to talk. Without saying a word, he knew that she was the key to winning my heart and so on our first date, he catered to her. Needless to say, he passed.

Though we still stay in touch, our relationship has drifted apart over the years. It’s hard, we’ve found, to maintain a close relationship with someone when you live hundreds of miles apart. And yet, there are days when I miss knowing that she had my back, when I miss feeling so loved by someone that she would make personal sacrifices just for me, when I miss going shopping with her, or watching a movie via the telephone, or chatting over a cup of hot tea with cream and sugar.

And for these reasons, and so many more, I must say thank you, Miss Benita, for making me a part of your life—and your family. I would not change one moment of the times we shared together.

Give thanks…

Posted in It's Gratitude, Dude! | 7 Comments »

My Experience With Swap-Bot

Tuesday, December 15th, 2009 by Alyice

I’ve been on Swap-Bot.com a few weeks now: browsing old swaps and reading comments, reading forum posts, and of course, partaking in a few swaps of my own. My feelings are now mixed.

On the one hand, I think it’s a great way to have a little fun, to create with purpose, to enjoy the thrill of receiving a traditional package in the mail—and of course, obtaining positive reinforcement from those who actually take the time to appreciate your part in the swap. On the other hand, it’s not easy to build camaraderie amongst those you’ve swapped with—which can make one feel more like a number than an actual human being.

Some leave nice comments about what you’ve sent, and even thank you when you rate and comment on what you’ve received but that seems to be as far as it goes, then there are those who don’t say a word to you. They don’t acknowledge the item being received until you contact them a few times to ask if it arrived, then when they finally rate your swap, they simply use the number system and offer no personal feedback—which of course makes you feel like they didn’t like what you sent.

From what I’ve read online, there are swappers who give their best, swappers who do the bare minimums, and swappers who really shouldn’t be swapping at all. They are the ones who flake on completing their part in the swap or they forget that there are actual human beings behind a swap; people with different skill levels, different tastes, and different styles. They are the ones who think not rating another swapper (or rating too low) is okay simply because the item swapped didn’t live up to their personal expectations—never mind the fact that the item received met the swap’s obligations. Then there are those who’ve forgotten that swaps are supposed to be fun and create a huge list of “do nots” on their profile page making it near impossible for someone to create something likeable, or they become disgusted with this or that then hop over to the forums to throw a hissy fit.

And yet, it’s hard to not want to continue swapping when you receive a comment like this: “Wow! So pretty and I love the card! Your ornament is gorgeous!” Or you receive a swap like this!

So for now, I’ll be selective in the swaps I partake in. I’ll be appreciative of what I receive, I’ll do my best to meet the swap’s obligations, I’ll let my partner’s know when an item goes out and when one is received, and I’ll avoid all the drama by avoiding the forums.

Keep Creating

Posted in Art Swaps & RAAKs | 3 Comments »

Thanks For The RAAK

Friday, December 11th, 2009 by Alyice

Awhile back I joined a group on Ning.com called Milliande Creative Club. And while I do browse the forums from time to time, I am ashamed to admit that I don’t get there as often as I’d like—partly because it’s so difficult to search through, and partly because there is so much going on that it can sometimes be overwhelming and a huge time stealer. That being said, it’s a great forum full of wonderful, friendly artists and crafters from all over the world.

So when they created a group within the group called, RAAK—Random Art Acts of Kindness, I just had to join! Every so often, someone will send out a package of ephemera, an artist’s trading card, or some other form of 3-D art. And the best part is that there are no assigned swaps, no rules, no grading system, and no put downs.

The women in this group simply share their artwork with whomever they feel led to share it with—and the receiving party graciously accepts the artwork, then goes online to publicly thank the giver. As the group’s owner, Milliande, puts it, “the RAAKS are a collection of art pieces that bring us all together…reaching out across the universe for connection.”

Today was one of those days in which I received a RAAK and it couldn’t have come at a better time! I was feeling somewhat down this morning and nothing I did to shake the blues helped. So imagine my surprise when I opened my mail to find a lovely package—straight from Canada—all decorated with Christmas stickers and filled with carefully packaged ephemera and a gift-wrapped ATC card that totally reminds me of “How The Grinch Stole Christmas“.

It was such a lovely surprise and a great way to jumpstart my mood! So thank you so much Ms. Gaye Smith from Canada. I am so thrilled and appreciative of your RAAK today.

Give thanks…

Posted in Art Swaps & RAAKs | Comments Off

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