Alyice on November 19th, 2009

Echo Challenge Abundance

“Abundance is not something we acquire.
It is something we tune into.”
– Wayne Dyer

It is Echo time again. This time the prompt is “abundance”. Like many, my first thought was to capture an image that shows the literal representation of the word, but I’ve never been one to think in terms of things as abundance so I opted to go with this image…

The feet in this image represent all the people who’ve left an impression on my heart—all the people who’ve traveled this life with me, and left me a better, stronger person.

But sharing this interpretation with you hasn’t come without serious personal growth these past few weeks. You see, there is one area of my life where I have always felt a lack of abundance: friendships.

Over the years, people have come and gone in my life like the North Wind. Some staying only for a season and never to be heard from again; some appearing then disappearing when life calls, only to return for a short spell; some remaining but only as a distant memory with the age old, “I’m thinking of you but life is too hectic” speeches. And others, a tiny handful, remaining a constant—though at times sporadic—part of my life. And for years I was content with that arrangement.

Then my mother died and those types of relationships were no longer enough. She died alone and I didn’t want to die alone. She got sick, had to quit working, and eventually pushed people away. In the end, only three of “her true friends” showed up to the funeral. Those I’ve known my whole life—people I thought were her closest and dearest friends—couldn’t even take the time to say good-bye. Her isolation and loneliness was never more evident than at her funeral. And it scared the living hell out of me. I didn’t want to die alone. I didn’t want to be forgotten. I didn’t want to remain a passing thought in the minds of others—only to be remembered when it was convenient for them.

I wanted more. I needed more.

It no longer mattered that I was an introvert or that as an introvert it’s not always easy making or keeping friends. It no longer mattered that others don’t get why I’d rather hang out at home or why I enjoy bonding over creativity and outdoor events instead of going clubbing or shopping or being in large crowds for insane hours. It no longer mattered that it can be exhausting for them to deal with my need to withdrawal from life every once in awhile in order to recharge my batteries. It no longer mattered that they don’t understand why—after a childhood of family deceit and manipulation—I always feel the need to be forthright and honest; unwilling to play head games for the sake of niceties. If I could put up with their idiosyncrasies, then they should be able to put up with mine.

And so I found myself wondering where all those “Hallmark” miracles were, where the “Lucy and Ethel” or “Ross, Chandler, Joey, Monica, Phoebe, and Rachel” relationships of the world were. And why I couldn’t have just one of those relationships in my own life—right here and now, in South Dakota.

That is when I realized that the constant rejection I’ve felt since moving to this small town, along with all those feelings that surfaced after my mom’s death, just fueled my depression and contributed to more feelings of loss and abandonment and isolation—until I reached a point in my life where I had to make a decision: choose happiness or choose sadness. Choose to count my blessings or choose to recount the pain.

I, of course, chose to regain my “whatever” attitude and find my joy again—my contentment for what is. And that’s when I discovered that the real abundance in friendships isn’t in how many people show up at your funeral, or how many people remember you on your birthday, or how many people are there to help you pick up the pieces after a major catastrophe, or even how many people stick around long enough to get to know the real you and like you anyway.

The real abundance is in the quality of the friendships that do exist—whether it is one or one hundred. It is in the relationships that help you feel whole and complete and fulfilled. It is in the relationships that fill you up with joy each and every time you are together.

And with that realization in mind, the anxiety over my mother’s funeral has passed; the desperate need to try to connect with someone—outside my husband and children—in order to prove that I have some value on this earth has subsided; and the determination to live the best life I can live has returned. And with it the ability to, once again, truly experience the relationships that are right here in front of me.

For you see, I am—and always have been—blessed with abundance.

I have not always seen it, but it has always been there waiting for me. My number of friends may have always been small, but some of those friendships were the best any girl could ask for. And though only a few remain, and are several hundred miles away, they still hold a very special place in my heart.

But my greatest abundance, by far, comes in the form of three very unique and wonderful people: my husband, my son, and my daughter. And thanks to finally being able to let go of that grief, and the fear that followed, I can get back to experiencing the relationships that have surpassed all of my wildest dreams. For they are the best—and most treasured—friendships I could ever ask for.

“Life in abundance comes only through great love.”
– Elbert Hubbard

Until next time…

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Comments (6)

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{Echo} Week 3- Abundance Roundup « Art By Chrysti says:
[...] Alyice Edrich [...]
Posted at 12:43 am November 19th, 2009
elaine says:
Oh, Alyice…. how those words seemed to be coming from my heart and just in the past few months, too. I completely understand this post.

What a perfect post and what a gorgeous photo.
Posted at 1:33 am November 19th, 2009
Alyice says:
Thank you! Thanks for your kind comment. I hope that you world finds peace and joy, too. And I stopped by your blog. Your photos are amazing! Keep up the good work.
Posted at 1:52 am November 19th, 2009
diane cook says:
Alyice~
Oh, what a wonderful post to read. You have the gift, my friend, of sharing from the heart =)
Abundance is not what we have, but what we share and give away. You have done so here….
Posted at 9:14 am November 19th, 2009
Brenda Lynn says:
Beautiful photo. Beautiful sentiment. I, too, veer from the literal most times, and I find your post(s) an {echo} from my own heart. Perhaps we could partner up?
Posted at 9:35 am November 19th, 2009
Alyice says:
Diane and Brenda,

Thank you. Thank you so much for commenting, for offering up a little praise, for being so sweet!

Brenda…I’ll email you!
Posted at 10:37 am November 19th, 2009

AlyiceEdrich.com
I'm a freelance writer, mixed media artist, SMVA, and the owner of The Dabbling Mum.

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