Alyice on June 1st, 2009

Thanks For Teaching Me Family Time

I grew up with a mother who spent most of her energy working, partying, and keeping my younger sister out of trouble. I can honestly say that I do not recall ever having any real “family time”. Heated family discussions, yes; a rare one-on-one moment with my mom, yes; but time spent engaging in fun activities together—where we did more laughing than arguing, where we weren’t rushed or yelled at or fighting, where it was about enjoying each other’s company and not one-upmanship, not so much.

So when I got married, that’s one of the things I really wanted with my family—time spent enjoying each other’s company. There was just one catch. I had no clue how to do that or how it worked. Thankfully, my husband did!

First, my husband assured me that most families fought and that bickering was normal. “The difference,” he said, “is that unlike your family it is often balanced with a good, healthy dose of laughter and bonding.”

Second, my husband schooled me in what it was like to spend time with each other outside of chores and running errands. We started small, by taking the kids to the park—without modern day distractions it was easy to focus solely on the kids. Then we moved up to more interesting activities like amusement parks, museums (which my husband hated and I loved so we compromised and went to interactive museums), bike riding, hiking, and day trips to new locations. Next, we conquered the hardest—and most difficult task, yet—playing board games.

You would have thought that board games would have been the easiest thing to learn how to do with my kids but being surrounded by a house filled with “motherly” and “wifely” duties made it damn near impossible for me to sit down for long periods of time. I didn’t understand the whole competition factor and I really hated it when people got loud during a game.

Having grown up in a house where loudness and arguing was often associated with something bad and competition was for gaining mom’s love, I can honestly say that games just weren’t at the top of my list as “fun activities”. My husband, however, assured me that the loudness was simply excitement and that the arguing wasn’t really anger but more of a love for the game. “And as for competition,” he said. “There’s a healthy dose of competition, like playing sports or games, that makes you stronger and better fit to compete in the world and then there is an unhealthy dose of competition, like competing for someone’s love. When the excitement of the game freaks you out, just remember that it’s healthy as long as everyone is laughing and having fun.”

Today, I still prefer hanging out outdoors over indoor games, hate shopping with a passion, and find excitement in discovering and exploring new locations. But more importantly, I thrive on “family time” and miss it when life gets too hectic or the kids get in one of their “teen moods”.

I don’t care if it’s a simple conversation around a meal, a walk around town, a game of cards, or spending the day together in a new location as long as we are doing it together. I don’t even care if it’s just 30 minutes out of the day, or five luxurious hours, as long as it’s time spent together—time building close family bonds and time that makes life more fun!

Give thanks…

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Comments (3)

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Philipp says:
Spending family time really makes our family close and together. It builds up open-mildness, helps us understand each other, builds respect and teaches us to love each other. We should all practice this even it is just a little chat during lunch or dinner time.
Posted at 7:07 am June 4th, 2009
Alyice says:
Thanks Philipp! Sometimes we all need that little reminder that it’s not in the quantity of time, but in the quality of time.
Posted at 10:51 am June 4th, 2009
Nicki says:
Alyice – Board games can cause real tensions. I know that my boys fight verbally when playing them most times.

Nicki´s last blog post..POTUS Speaks to the Muslim World
Posted at 2:58 pm June 6th, 2009

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