Alyice on May 25th, 2009

Thanks For The Family

I grew up in a rather dysfunctional family where I didn’t know if I was loved from one day to the next. I grew up feeling constant rejection and a tremendous amount of fear. I grew up constantly trying to prove my worthiness and beating myself up for the simplest of mistakes—mistakes that others would easily dismiss as the normalcy of life were things that I gnawed on for hours, days, even weeks, all the while wondering if I had said this or done that differently then…

Needless to say, my childhood dream was to marry Prince Charming and raise a family that was vastly different from my own. A family that, for the most part, was happy and content with each other and with life. A family that didn’t act ashamed to be around each other; that didn’t put each other down just to make themselves feel good; that didn’t make up lies and cover them up with half truths; that was for all intensive purposes not ashamed to be around each other.

I didn’t know if I’d ever get my fairytale ending, but I sure was hoping! Then one day, I met Prince Charming and my world got turned upside down. My life with Prince Charming hasn’t been all about sweet smelling roses as we’ve had our fair share of thorns along the way—some devastating, and some minor. But overall, I got my dream family.

And today, for the very first time in my life, I realize that they are all I really need in this life. There will be no more regrets about what could have been with my siblings, mother, aunts, uncles, or cousins. There will be no more beating myself up for not being good enough for them, for not being able to fit in, for not being able to do more to make things work with them. Today, I am finally going to let sleeping dogs lie. Because today I realized that everything I ever wanted in life has been right in front of me the entire time!

Family is what Prince Charming and I have with our children.

Family is about…

Loving someone unconditionally—even if they aren’t always loveable.
Showing love—even if you can’t always say it, you always try to show it.
Working, every day, towards building some type of relationship with the ones you love: a conversation, an activity together, a shared meal.
Giving space—allowing each other to have interests and hobbies outside the relationship and giving them the space to grow and be independent and different and unique.
Putting each other first—even if it means making a few personal sacrifices or prolonging a dream, want, or need. Making sacrifices for the good of the family—doing what is best not only for yourself but for those around you.
Forgiving each other—no matter how small or how large.
Accepting each other where they are right now, and not trying to change them—even when you think it’s in their best interest.
Challenging each other to be better people and not being afraid of losing that person for pushing too hard.
Fighting for what you believe in and allowing the others to fight right alongside you—even if the viewpoints are different and wavering.
Choosing your battles—allowing the other party to win once in awhile and choosing not to always make mountains out of molehills.
Never allowing time or the busyness of life the opportunity to destroy the relationships that matter most to you—even if it means putting aside your feelings of exhaustion as you spend time together.
Security—in knowing that no matter what life brings, what changes take place, or how many miles apart you live, you will always be there for each other and nobody, no job, no life experience, can take that away from you.
Being able to love yourself as you are—knowing that it’s the one place where you can safely be yourself. That you don’t have to pretend to be someone you’re not in order to be accepted and feel loved.

If you, too, grew up wishing to feel loved and accepted for who you are, I am here to tell you that holding onto bad relationships isn’t going to make you happy; it’ll only make you miserable. Those relationships and all the energy you put into them will steal the joy from your life and suck you dry—leaving very little for those that truly do want you, value you, and think you matter. Listen, you cannot change people and you definitely cannot make them love you, want you, or respect you. All you can do is love yourself enough to find your own happiness; even if it means you have to do it without them or limit contact with them.

Give thanks…

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